Thursday, August 21, 2008
i smiled at 8:53 PM.
Grief~Today i attended Grief workshop for my ethics and communication module.
I realised how uncomfortable i was when talking about grief.
Immediately, 2 incidents popped out of my mind.
First is when i lost my grandma 2-3 years ago and secondly, i lost my loved one early this year. It is indeed a painful experience but it doesnt "clinched" and "squeezed" my heart anymore. *Take a deep breath*
You can imagine how queasy i was in class today when they talked about how ppl expressed their grief. Snapshots of the past flashes back, i stared in class blankly most of the time, horrified by the images playing right in front of me. Totally unpleasant! Took me awhile to brush the negative memories away. I remembered the only thing i wanted to do was to sleep and not wake up. Sounds like an ostrich who burries its head when danger arises. Haha! I remembered i didnt know why but i was so sick.. down with high fever, no appetite.. i guess that was my expression of grief.
I realised i was one that goes into denial, running away from reality and when i came to term with reality which will be some time later, i would break down and cry, like anyone else.. i just want to hide in my cave.
What i need is space... i just need to be heard.. i just need to be hugged. I do not need to be pressurised to move on coz grief takes time to heal.
I am thankful to you who has been with me when my grandma passed away and i am thankful to my sweeties who have uttered nothing but your presence means heaps to me.. In fact, i do not need ppl to curse and swear coz it doesnt make me feel any better to talk bad. I just need to be understood, to acknowledge that something in life is different.
Thank you for giving me space to breathe, giving me the courage to move on with my own pace, to be by my side and ever ready to lend me your shoulder to cry on. Because of all of you, i learn to pick myself up from where i fall and to be strong to face the reality without fear. This means alot to me especially when i am thrown into a foreign land shortly. Not easy but because of all of you, i know i have nothing to fear, no tomorrow i cant conquer with my faithful troope backing me up.
With that, i learn to rediscover my life and appreciate the present even more dearly.
And with better understanding of grief today, i am able to manage it better myself, to the ppl around me and my patients. It also gives me a wider perspective and deeper insight of the management.
Key points:
First is to acknowledge and then rediscover..always make the best of what you have got right now.
It's so sad but true that ppl learn to appreciate better after losing something or someone dear to them. I hope you dont need to go through to realise that every min with your loved ones should be treasured because no one knows what will happen tomorrow. Life is unpredicable.. Life can be cruel but always look at the bright side to appreciate the little setbacks which will only make you stronger.
I would always bear in mind what was told to me before i left for Adelaide..
"Whatever that doesnt kill makes you stronger"
"Just suck it up!" haha
And i will always remind myself..
" There is always a rainbow after every rain, it is just if it is visible to your eyes.."
Princess mentioned,
" Rainbow can be created by yourself!"
Yes! Indeed!
We hold the key to our future and it is up to us to interprete the events to create the end feeling. Eventually, i choose to get the best out of it.. to keep the best memories in my memory bank..Win-win situation.! Learn from mistake and not pin pointing whose fault it belongs.. what is past is past.. what matters now is the future. If not, believe me, you will get very weary and definitely not pretty! Just dont make the same mistake twice if not, shame shame! haha.. YeaH~! You go, girl~
I have drawn a few quotes which i find them meaningful from the workshop and would like to share them..
"His richness of his life comes from his disability"
If not that he has become quadriplegic, he would not treasure and live life as fruitful as compared to now.
"Acknowledge the past, it is different but it does not necessary be worse"
"We cant fixed grief, it takes time" - therefore dont pressurise ppl to move on.
Lastly.. let me end the day with rainbow! *Grin*
Can you see it? If you do, close your eyes and make a wish... your wish will come true! *Lenia swings her wishing wand*
Love you! *muack*
Can you see it? If you do, close your eyes and make a wish... your wish will come true! *Lenia swings her wishing wand* 