Saturday, February 9, 2008
i smiled at 12:03 AM.
To tell u the truth, i didnt sleep the whole night. Was on the phone till this morning 9plus. Received another "bomb"!
This time, my heart feels as if someone is slicing it bit by bit.. So torturing.. unbearable!
But i am glad the truth is out. It's really time to pronounce my heart dead!
NO LOOKING BACK, MOVE ON!!! As shocking as it can be.. I couldnt imagine i was such a fool for you. I couldnt imagine you actually did that to me? Is it juz a nightmare? NO ! It's time to stand up where i fall n move on! My 6 sense is so so accurate. I would follow my instinct next time. I didnt know you are such a devil within you. Is it what you have gone thru or is it the culture that mould u to be who u r today? I really dont want to turn out so ugly when i come back from aust! *cross fingers* But ironically, a part of me still believes that you are a good person but juz something goes wrong this time. To give u the benefit of doubt, i have thrown my 4 yrs of r/s in believing ur every words. Pls dont lie to me, u wont, rite?
I am starting not to understand u.. but i know u r not exactly having a good time either in dealing with the reality and how ppl look at you. Plz dont self destruct.. dont give up on urself. I dunno why am i so silly... i am already feeling so hurt.. however i am still worrying for u. What am i thinking... i guess.. maybe..i am starting to love u as a frd.
Surprisingly, i somehow know one day i would forgive u for what you have done. As much as i wanted to hate you.. i juz cant bear to. Maybe that's the soft part of me. But i am glad we talked things thru.. managed to find out the flaws in our r/s n made the next r/s a better one.
Didnt really feel so much hurt till i was lying down resting in bed. Dazing is the killer. My mind wonders around. *SCREAM* how i wish i could juz walk out of the house and go to sentosa n SCREAM my sorrow out and drink like there's no tmr. How i wish Kunting is around..
Fortunately, saw ian online.. I felt so so comfortable talking to him.. he juz seems to know it all.. thankz ian! u saved me a drink.. i remember what he said,
"for every failed rs..it only serves as a platform to bring u closer to the one u're meant to be with" Yes! I juz want to stop harping about it n move on~. God, plz give me the strength to do tt!!!
